The Future We Fought For
by russianbear27
Summary: My ideal ending for ME3, slightly changed from the game. Everything that happens after the destruction of the Reapers, without the destruction of the Geth and EDI. Paragon FemShep. Shenko.
1. Chapter 1

**My first real attempt at a fan ****fic, so not sure how good it's going to turn out, but I would love to get some feed back and hopefully get some feedback before I start on some other ideas I've had. Anyway... Yeah... Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

**Chapter One**

_Don't_ _leave me behind again,_ Kaidan's eyes begged as James and Garrus pulled him away from Shepard.

He thrashed and fought them, but their combined strength was too much for him and his injuries.

"Shepard! Don't go!" He yelled to her.

"I'll come back to you." She called to him as she stepped off the Normandy. "I promise. No matter what."

The doors closed and Kaidan, stopped fighting. A few moments later an explosion shook the Normandy, sending Kaidan into another tirade.

* * *

Shepard limped toward the beam of light before her. She had to make it. She had to, everyone was counting on her. Each step was more difficult than the one before. She stumbled, but forced herself up muscles screaming in protest, clutching her pistol tighter.

Everything around her, the bodies, the destruction, seemed to fall away, her only focus was the beam. She threw herself forward in her last desperate push to close the gap.

There was a sense of weightlessness, then nothing. She awoke some time later within the Citadel. Carnage around her, Shepard tried to figure out where she was exactly. Nothing about this place was familiar; it didn't even resemble the Citadel.

"Is anyone there?" Anderson's voice seemed to echo in her head, "Hello? Anyone?"

"I'm here," Shepard gasped. Even speaking was a chore now.

"Shepard? Thank God you made it. Where are you?"

"Erm, somewhere… I don't know," She grunted, pushing forward.

"Just keep moving, hopefully we can meet up."

Every muscle in her body screamed in pain, but Shepard couldn't stop now. She tried not to look at the countless bodies around her. Many were human, though many other races were present. Shepard even thought she glimpsed a volus' mask somewhere.

Reaching a doorway, Shepard tried not to look back. Before here was bridge spanning a large chasm, she didn't bother noticing how far down it went. Instead she pushed onward.

"Shepard," Anderson's voice materialized once again, "I've reached some sort of control room."

"Hang on, I'm coming," Shepard hobbled a little faster, eventually reaching the doors on the other side.

As they slid open Anderson came in view. He stood at a console, but seemed to be waiting for her.

"Anderson," she called.

Anderson turned, "Shepard, come help me with this."

As Shepard approached she noticed that Anderson's condition was just as bad as hers. If they didn't figure this out soon and get out of there, they probably wouldn't leave at all.

The console glowed before them, but before she had time to examine it a voice came from behind them.

"I wouldn't touch that if I were you." It was the Illusive Man.

_Where the fuck did he come from?_ Shepard thought to herself, raising her pistol.

His face looked unnatural, he was obviously indoctrinated and tainted by the Reapers. "You don't have to destroy the Reapers, they can be controlled."

"Don't you see that they're already controlling you?" Shepard called out.

"No," The Illusive Man refused to believe it. "I can control them."

"They can't be controlled, they must be destroyed," Anderson argued. "They'll destroy us all. We have to end this."

The Illusive Man raised the pistol that he held in his hand, pointing it straight at Anderson, "No, we can't destroy them. We need them."

"It doesn't have to end this way," Shepard coaxed. "Put down your weapon. We can fix this. You know the Reapers have a hold on you. Open your eyes."

For a moment the humanity within the Illusive Man surfaced. "I-I can't… They're too strong. We need their strength. I can't let it go." He began to squeeze the trigger.

Shepard reacted instantly and fired, hitting the Illusive Man straight in the chest. She turned to see Anderson falling to the ground. She stumbled to the side of her fallen mentor.

"Shepard," he whispered. "The crucible... I'll be okay… You have to…"

Holding back rage and tears, Shepard crawled to the console.

"The Crucible is docked," Admiral Hackett voice pushed through the static on Shepard's radio. "Shepard are you there? It's not firing, you must have to do something on your end."

"I-I'm on it," she replied shakily as she pulled herself up to the console.

There was one large glowing sensor that was slightly bigger than her hand. Other smaller keys surrounded it, and she had no idea what any of them did. She went for the most obvious choice, placing her entire hand on the largest of the keys.

Everything went black.

Shepard felt something creeping at the back of her head. They were images, crawling like bugs into view. This was like the vision from the Prothean beacon, only different. More clear and it was if she was a part of the vision, as if she could feel it.

Images flooded her mind, but that wasn't the point. It was the message.

She saw the Reaper's destruction and the rebuilding of the Universe. She saw the struggle to repair the damage from the war, broken families and lives, an uncertain future. Yet, in the destruction was hope.

Images of Kaidan and a young boy she didn't recognize began to fill her vision. The boy's eyes were the same green as her own, and his small hand glowed with the dim light of biotics. Suspended in mid air was a small stone and the boy smiled up at Kaidan, pleased with his handy work.

The image changed. She saw Reapers retreating into deep space but something was different about them. It was if they acting like a child being told to go to their room. The Illusive Man was right, she could control them, but Shepard feared they would learn to control her as well. Though, it could still be done. In fact as this fear took form she somehow _felt_ a response. Yes she could indefinitely control the Reapers, but she would lose herself in the process.

There was something more as well. The image shifted one more and the commander saw Harbinger, but it was different. The intimidating Reaper was somehow pacified, almost serene. A silent guardian that hung suspended over earth.

On the Earth's surface people continued about their business. Undaunted by the looming Reaper that now protected them. The Reapers could be repurposed, just like the Geth were. Life could continue on coexisting with the Reapers.

A thought formed in her mind, _if they are repurposed would they stay that way forever? Would they live peacefully alongside organic and synthetic life?_ Again, an answer came to her. Yes. They would live on, but altered intent on creation instead of destruction.

Then Shepard thought of all the husks, banshees, and marauders. What kind of existence would there be for them? The thought disturbed her greatly. She couldn't let that happen. The only option was destruction. This had to end and it had to end now.

Just as that thought formed in her heart, she was thrown back into reality. Shepard crumpled to her knees, barely conscious. Before the darkness took her, she saw a blinding white light firing from the crucible.

* * *

**That's that. More real story developments in the next chapter. Tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So crazy day yesterday. Took the bus home from my college and a girl had a seizure in the back seat, and we had to pull over and call 911. Oh and we were also on top of a mountain and it was snowing like crazy outside. So what was supposed to be a 2 hour bus ride turned in 4 hours, but the girl was ****okay and we did make it home. Just thought I would share my adventure with you all. It may inspire topics in the following chapter... hint hint. **

**Anyway, yes. Here's a new chapter and thanks for all the favorites and following the story. Leave me a review! **

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**Two**

After the Commander had stepped off the Normandy, Garrus and James dragged the Major to the med bay where he lay now, unconscious. His breathing was ragged, but his vital signs were strong. Dr. Chakwas was not as worried about him as she was about the other soldiers that she now had in her care. Kaiden would pull through, but she was faced with the prospect of losing some of the others.

The Normandy was headed for a Quarian life ship turned medical facility just outside the boundaries of the ongoing battle. On board were medical supply stockpiles and doctors of every race standing by ready to assist the mass casualties that were sure to arrive.

Kaidan began to stir as the Normandy docked. The crew was already working on moving the more critically injured onto the Quarian vessel.

The world around Kaidan went in and out of focus as his mind and body were wracked with pain. Everything was spinning, but for a moment it stopped.

"Shepard," he whispered, "Lilah?" She was right there kneeling next to him, smiling. He reached out to her, but she only smiled, turned, and disappeared. "Come back," Kaidan tried to get up. He managed to get is legs over the edge of his cot, but when he tried to stand an excruciating pain shot through his right leg and he collapsed, grunting in pain.

The world was spinning again. Kaidan hardly noticed Dr. Chakwas calling for assistance to lift him back onto the cot. He only caught glimpses of what happened after that. Being carried onto the life ship. People rushing all around him. The smell of chemicals and cries of the wounded. For a moment, he saw her again. She was still smiling. Then everything was enveloped in a blinding white light, and Kaidan fell back into the darkness.

* * *

For a moment the entire Sol system stood still. The battle ceased, and for an instant there was a complete, eerie silence. The coms went quiet, soldiers held their fire, and for a moment there was peace. Then came the light.

Admiral Hackett broke the stillness, "The Crucible is firing! Brace yourselves!"

There was no time; the reaction was instantaneous as soldiers on Earth fell to the ground from the force of the shockwave. The fleets were sent into disarray as the wave of energy traveled through. Crews were desperately struggling to avoid colliding with other vessels and pull together.

"All systems are down!" Joker always starts yelling in a crisis. "EDI, talk to me." The AI didn't respond, her body was slumped over in the co-pilots' seat. Joker began to panic a little bit, "EDI!"

"Yes, Jeff?" EDI's voice suddenly returned, her body reanimating. "I seemed to have suffered some sort of technical malfunction. I will install safeguards against such events in the future." Joker just laughed, relieved she was still there.

Then Joker looked out the front viewing windows. The Reapers floated completely motionless and devoid of any evidence of activity. Then saw a something that made him stop dead in his tracks. The Crucible itself was completely destroyed. A good portion of the Citadel itself was aflame and in tatters.

Liara rushed up to the cockpit, "Joker, all the systems are… What are you looking at?" Then she looked up as well and realized what had happened.

The Reapers had stopped fighting, but Shepard may have as well. Liara went into action, activating her omni-tool and pulling up Shepard's file. She accessed the commander's life monitoring systems installed in her armor. The systems were unresponsive, probably damaged in the explosion.

"We have to go Joker!" Liara almost screamed it, "Now!"

Joker stared up at her, startled by her sudden outburst. Liara just stared at him wide eyed.

"Go!" She ordered.

"EDI, get the systems back online," Joker said. "We're not losing the commander again."

The rest of the fleets were still reeling from what had just happened, still trying to process what was going on. The Normandy was the only cruiser in motion, the only one with a clear purpose.

Passing the silent Reapers, the crew couldn't help but feel uneasy. Liara got on the com to reassure them, "We're going back for Shepard, she would do the same for any one of us. We're going to bring her home."

There was a solemnness in her words, a quiet underlying sadness. No one knew what they would find on the Citadel, but everyone knew they had to find their commander. For better or worse.

* * *

Shepard didn't remember anything from the time she was dead. It was if she had fallen asleep, and woken up in a hospital some time later. Though that hospital turned out to be a Cerberus base that was over run with AWOL mechs.

Right now she felt… at peace. She felt calm. That white light she saw seemed to have taken over her, because that's all she saw now. Though it wasn't as blinding as it was before. It was nice. Just her and this light, but that wasn't true. There was someone else there with her.

"Jason?" she called out.

"Hey little sis," he smiled at her; his N7 armor was spotless and gleaming.

Shepard couldn't contain her joy as she wrapped her arms around her older brother. Yet, how was this possible? Jason was killed years ago on a mission. She remembered it clearly. Her career was starting to take off as she followed in her parents and her brother's footsteps, by joining the N7 program. The last time she saw her brother alive was at the ceremony for the completion of the entrance training.

"Am I…" Shepard started.

"No, you're not dead sis," he replied, "but this is your last chance. Next time you won't be so lucky."

"But… I don't want to leave you."

He smiled, "don't worry. I'm not alone here and you have people back there that need you. You have a future."

"Why are you here now then?"

"To keep you company while you wait." He smiled again at her.

As they waited, they talked of many things and Shepard realized again how much she missed her brother. She told him of her crusade against the Reapers, how she had nearly lost everything so many times. Shepard told him everything, just like she used to. Jason just listened. He was always great at listening. As she spoke she tried not to think of how little time she had with him, but it still passed much faster than she hoped.

"It's nearly time sis," he said. "I can't stay and you have to go too."

"No… I… want more time."

"Don't worry. I'll be here for you when the time comes. Say hello to Dad for me. And as for that Alenko guy, he's a good man. Don't let him go."

He started to fade and the light dimmed until she was in complete darkness. She began to become aware of all the pain again. Her limbs, her chest, her lungs, her head, her... _everything_ hurt. Every breath was a struggle, but struggle on she did. Then, she heard the voices.

Shepard couldn't move, couldn't see, but she could tell they were close. She summoned all her strength and started to yell. The yell only seemed to tear her apart inside and it sounded absolutely horrendous, but she wouldn't stop. Help was just feet away.

There was a slit of light above her, and it grew larger and larger. Shepard closed her eyes, but a head blocked out the dim light.

"It's her!" someone called, "I've found the commander! She's alive!"


	3. Chapter 3

**So I'm no medical expert, but I did my best on this chapter. Anyway, yeah I do enjoy reading comments, so leave me a review!**

* * *

**Three**

Shepard somehow managed to stay conscious through the long process of being dug out. The commander was completely encased by debris from the explosion. A large beam was pinning her legs, which would have made it impossible to move if she had the strength to do so.

Liara and Javik employed their biotics to move the heaviest of ruble while the rest of the crew worked tirelessly to remove the rest. It took hours to get Shepard out of the mess. The crew was shocked by the state she was in.

Her armor was almost completely destroyed, and her legs were obviously badly broken. Shepard's once beautiful red hair had all but been burned away, exposing a gash on the right side of her head.

"How bad am I?" Shepard looked to Garrus as they set her down on the stretcher.

"You look like… how do you humans say it? You look like your hair is having a bad day." Shepard smiled a bit at Garrus' comment.

"You mean 'bad hair day,' Vakarian," James corrected. "It's good to see you alive Lola," he added.

"Wait," Shepard whispered. "What about A-Anderson."

"Not now," Liara said, "we'll find him, but we need to get you some help first."

Everyone seemed to shy away from this comment. The truth was the Admiral had already been found, but the crew had been too late to save him. No one wanted to be the one to deliver that news just yet.

Shepard was taken to the same Quarian life ship as the other casualties of the battle. The make shift medical facility was a mess of activity. She was taken to a room at random while medical assistants began hooking her up to monitoring systems. Her wounds were treated with medigel, and her multiple factures were set. The only truly concern injury was that to her spine. It was quite likely the Commander would never stand again.

Her pain considerably lessened with the medication and the medigel, the medical staff moved on. Shepard lay in her bed and looked to her right. A massive viewing window faced the vast expanse of space. It was comforting in an odd way. Such a lonely view, but she wasn't alone.

A small trio of salarians was wheeling in another patient into the room. He had just been released from surgery on his knee and was shrugging off the last dregs of a sedative.

"K-Kadian?" Shepard managed to call out to him.

He seemed confused as he looked at her, "Lilah? Is it really you?" It was as if he didn't quite believe what he was seeing, which he wasn't. The sedative was making his thoughts slow down and he had already imagined her before, but this was different. She wasn't the flawless face he had seen before. She was beat up, but still as beautiful as she'd always been.

"It's me," she tried to smile but it turned out more like a grimace. "I'm dizzy, but I'm here."

"Shepard… Thank God you're alive." Kaidan could hardly contain his joy at seeing her alive. Even in his slightly drugged state.

Then Shepard's eyes widened as a look of horror spread across her face. Her throat let out a gut-wrenching scream as her body went into spasms. The monitors starting going crazy, whirling and beeping like a bomb was about to go off and doctors started to rush in. It was only then, seeing her surrounded by strangers, eyes rolled back in her head, and shaking uncontrollably, did Kaiden realize Shepard was having a seizure.

He called out to her, but was drown out by the commotion of the doctors. Once again, he was in danger of losing the love of his life, and he was absolutely powerless to prevent it.

* * *

There was nowhere else to put Kaidan on the ship, so he was allowed stayed with Shepard. He would have fought anyone who tried to move him anyway. He wouldn't leave her side.

Shepard head injury was more severe than originally thought. The doctors were so swept up in the panic after the battle that the swelling within Shepard's skull was overlooked. Now she lay silent on the bed, wires attached to her head monitoring her brain activity.

Kaidan sat in a chair by her side. His leg still bandaged up and extended out at an awkward angle. Shepard seemed peaceful, but she had yet to wake up. The doctors were unsure if any permanent damage had been done, but assured him that she was stable now. Never had Kaidan felt so helpless as he gently laid his hand on hers.

"My Lilah has always been strong," a male voice came from the doorway behind Kaidan.

Kaidan turned to see an older man in an Alliance uniform. General Gregory Shepard had entered the small room. He was surprised to see the General so soon after the battle. Kadian expected it to be days before anyone would be able to find time to visit the Commander.

"Sir," Kadian sat up a little straighter as the General neared.

"No need for formality here," the General seemed tired, but that was to be expected after everything that had taken place. "My Lilah has told me quite a bit about you Major Alenko…"

"Um... Kadian, sir" he interjected. "If we're leaving out the formalities."

"Kaidan…" The General seemed to sigh as he spoke his name. "Gregory Shepard," he introduced himself and extended his hand. Then he turned back to his daughter. "We were always close, even when she was young and I was gone for so long. I sent her an extranet message every night when I was away, and when she entered the Alliance we kept up our correspondence. I was always nice to hear from her." The man seemed to rambling, trying to cope with the sight of his damaged daughter before him, "I just never thought I'd see her like…" he trailed off.

Kaidan was unsure of what to say, but then again he felt he really didn't need to. The silence wasn't uncomfortable between the two men; the only interruption was the rhythmic beeping of the Commander's heart monitor.

They sat in silence for some time, until the Commander finally began to wake up. A nurse came and asked her all the standard questions. What was her name, her rank, the year? Did she know where she was? The Commander stumbled through her responses, clearly confused, but her memory seemed to be there.

Finally after half an hour Shepard seemed more at ease in her surroundings and the nurse left her to visitor. Shepard's father pulled up a chair next to her.

"Hey dad," Shepard smiled up at him. Then turning to Kaidan she said, "This was not at all how I pictured you two meeting." She turned back to her father, "Where's mom?"

Shepard's mother had retired from service a few years prior and the family owned a home in Seattle. Her mother had always loved the rain, even Seattle's drizzly, misty rain.

Gregory's face darkened a little, but he answered honestly, "I don't know. We lost contact shortly after the invasion."

"Oh," was all Shepard said as the news set in. Then taking a deep breath she whispered, "that's why he only mentioned you."

"Who?" Her father asked, clearly confused.

"I… I saw Jason, Dad." Shepard spoke softly.

"Who's Jason?" Kaidan asked, who had never heard this name before.

"He was… Is my older brother," Shepard explained. "He died years ago on a mission."

"You've never mentioned him before," Kaidan said.

"I know," she replied, "it's difficult to talk about."

Kaidan nodded in understanding.

"You said you saw him though?" the General brought her back on topic.

"Yeah," Shepard sighed, "I did. When I was on the Citadel. I don't remember exactly what happened, but he said to say hello to you, but not mom. Do you think that means…?"

"No," Kaidan said firmly. "It was a dream. We can't give up on our loved ones before we've even started to search for them."

"He's right, we won't give on her." Shepard's father seemed determined and this seemed to comfort her a bit. "You should get some rest. I should go. There is much there that requires my attention."

They said their goodbyes, and the General left the two alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the long wait between chapters. It's been a crazy holiday season. Anyway, here's a new chapter. Kind of a short one, but there's more to come soon!**

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Four

Shepard lay propped up in her bed, gazing out upon the expanse of space. She had been stuck in that room for days, forced to reflect on everything that had happened. There had been so much destruction so much loss. Earth, Palaven, Thessia, all lay in ruin. Her mother was still missing, Anderson was dead, and despite her relatively quick recovery, thanks to her implants from the Lazarus project, she still had yet to have any movement below the waist.

A piece of debris floated by her window, the Alliance symbol was scorched, but there was no mistaking its blue design. Had she really done everything possible? Had she done enough? The causality count was still rising, and expected to number in the billions. What if she had… She stopped herself. Shepard learned long ago to avoid the "what if" questions, but they were becoming harder and harder to avoid.

"Enjoying your time sulking?" Came a familiar voice. Shepard turned and there was Miranda, standing in the doorway. "I've taken a look at your file and your implants have completely baffled the medical team here. Which is good, it means they're working just fine."

"Hello to you too," Shepard said.

Miranda crossed the room and took a seat next to the Commander. "Sorry, hello," she replied.

Silence fell between them, and Shepard knew Miranda had news.

"What about my legs?" Shepard inquired.

"Your legs are fine," Miranda started, and Shepard gave her a look. "It's your spine I'm worried about. We would have to surgically correct it. Though, I can't guarantee that we can do anything at all. Your spinal implant may have already mended the break the way it is, making this permanent. If it hasn't, well there's not much good news there either. It's not like mending a broken arm obviously. On the Lazarus project we had nearly unlimited resources, that's certainly not the case now."

"So you're saying, even if I do the surgery it may not help at all?"

"I don't know. I need to transfer you to a better medical facility, and get another viewing of your injuries."

Kaidan hobbled in on his crutches, interrupting the conversation. He had been downgraded from a cast and now wore a leg brace. "What's going on?" He asked, lowering himself into one of the uncomfortable Quarian chairs in the room.

"You remember Miranda?" Shepard gestured. "She helped us bring down that Cerberus facility and saved my life."

"Yeah, sure," Kaidan nodded. He eyed her wearily; it still took him time to trust people, even after all Miranda had done.

Miranda cleared her throat. "Um, yes. I was just discussing Shepard's options with her."

"She thinks she may be able to fix me." Shepard said simply.

"Well," Miranda hesitated, not wanting to promise something she couldn't deliver. "I feel I could improve the Commander's present condition, if given the opportunity. There's a medical facility in a Cerberus compound I know of."

"You want to take her back to Cerberus?" Kaidan seemed a little panicked.

"Cerberus doesn't exist anymore," Shepard said, "it died with the Illusive Man."

"The Commander is correct," Miranda added. "With the Illusive man gone, many of Cerberus' facilities are independently functioning and taking in refugees. In fact many are even being supported and run by the Alliance."

"I don't know." Kaidan said.

"You don't have to decide now, but it will need to be figured out soon," Miranda stated. "The more time it takes, the less effective the treatment will be."

Shepard looked down at her lap, not sure what to say, and Miranda took that as her queue to leave. A silence fell between Kaidan and Shepard, as the Commander turned her gaze back to the viewing window.

"Did I do it right, Kaidan?" Shepard whispered. "Did I do everything I could have? Could I have saved more people?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mordin, Thane, Anderson, my mother… and _millions _of others. I could have done more, and here I am now stuck in this bed and I have to live with it. I'm useless."

For the first time Kaidan saw tears begin to fall from the Commander's eyes. He stood up slowly and crossed the room toward her. He sat down on the edge of her bed awkwardly, as a tear rolled down her wounded face.

Kaidan took her hands, "Lilah, you did what no one else could. You united an entire universe against an enemy that brought down the most powerful civilizations for millennia. You did the impossible. You have given back a future to millions, and you've given us a future." He looked into her eyes as he spoke the last phrase. Shepard couldn't help but smile a bit at that thought. "You saved us all. You saved me," Kaidan finished.

Shepard wiped away her short-lived tears. Tears were useless and she hated them. "When I was on the Citadel, with the Crucible, I saw something."

"What?" Kaidan was confused.

"I don't know what it was, but I saw you. You were with a little boy. A son, I think… I don't know. I'm tired of visions and thoughts of visions. I'm tired of what may be, what really is, and trying to tell them apart." Shepard sighed and turned back towards the window.

"Then let's focus on what's here," Kaidan whispered guiding her vision back to him, "right now. We have a future, that's all that matters and we'll face it together." Shepard looked at him and a small smile graced her face. "I don't know what's in store for us, but I love you. Never forget that."

For a moment, they just stayed like that. The emotion in the room was immense, but they just let it wash over them. For a moment, it was just the two of them and Shepard realized that's all she wanted. She would never fight again as she used to, but she knew she wasn't done helping the galaxy. She had the love of her life by her side and that's all that mattered.

Kaidan broke the silence between them. "So… what about that surgery?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

The Cerberus facility was much nicer than Shepard had expected. Originally it was a medical research lab, but it was now being used as a hospital. The living quarters were simple, but still included some small luxuries an Alliance hospital would not. Luxuries such as comfortable mattresses, private extranet access, and in a common area, a piano.

It was strange to see Alliance doctors working in a building with Cerberus logos plastered everywhere. It seemed as if no one noticed them. The man who wheeled her in was still wearing his Cerberus uniform. Which would have surprised her, but Shepard reminded herself that it wasn't important anymore.

Miranda greeted Shepard as she was wheeled into medical wing of the compound. "Ready to begin?" Miranda smiled.

"Already?" Shepard was surprised.

"No use waiting. The faster we can begin, the faster you can be on the road to recovery."

Shepard sighed, "It seems like a long road." Her hair was only just beginning to grow back. He head had been shaved on the Quarian life ship. She hadn't minded because it was in such terrible shape after the explosion. He cuts and bruises had faded quickly thanks to the stockpiles of medigel and her implants, but countless new scars crossed her body and face. Then there was the fact that she couldn't move, let alone feel, anything below the waist.

"You really are turning into a big mope." Miranda teased seeing Shepard lost in thought.

Shepard laughed, "Yeah, right."

"Thank you, Dennis I'll take it from here." Miranda nodded to man who had wheeled Shepard in from the shuttle.

"Sure thing Miranda," and he returned to his other duties.

Miranda grabbed the back of Shepard's and pointed her down the hall.

"You know him?" Shepard asked as the moved.

"Yes, I've worked with him before he was transferred here. He's a good man."

"Why was he transferred?"

"I don't think I'm at liberty to say," Miranda shot down her question. "Let's just get you set up here."

They entered a room with a few medical assistants, and a strange looking table. It was padded and made for someone to lie down on. There two small metal arcs at each end, one slightly higher than the other.

"We're going to start with scans," Miranda informed her. "Are you ready?"

Shepard was a little nervous. "I guess." She wished Kaidan was with her, but he had been transferred to an Alliance facility for physical therapy. He had promised her he would join her as soon as he was able. Though they both knew it would be some weeks before that would happen.

The medical assistants helped her get on the table. Shepard turned bright red as they helped her fumble into a sheer hospital gown, which they insisted was essential to obtain a good scan.

She lay back and they turned it on. Shepard couldn't get a good look at what they were doing. The only thing she could look at was the ceiling.

"All systems running smoothly Dr. Lawson," one of the assistants reported.

"Calibrating," the other said.

It sounded as if they were going to make a jump through a mass relay. Shepard shifted slightly getting more nervous.

"Relax, and try to stay still Commander." Miranda ordered calmly, and they began the scan.

The scan took ten minutes; the metal arcs were aglow, moving slowly back and forth over her body. It felt like an eternity. Shepard was happy to escape the machine when it was done. Miranda stood at the wall looking at the scans. Analyzing them. As she did this, the medical assistants helped Shepard get dressed again, and back in her wheel chair. Shepard hated this process immensely. It was so time consuming and embarrassing that she needed the help. She knew she'd figure out how to do it herself soon enough.

Shepard wheeled herself over to Miranda who was deep in thought. "So?" Shepard asked.

Miranda didn't turn away, "it doesn't seem as bad as I initially thought, but there is significant damage and your implants have been trying to correct it. I'm fairly confident I can help you, but it may not be to the extent you hoped for. With the resources available to us here, I can restore sensation and maybe limited mobility, but I can't guarantee that you'll walk again. In fact I think that's highly unlikely."

"So… then I might as well not even bother." Shepard was a little disappointed, but she had prepared herself for this.

"Do you plan to have children Shepard?"

"What? What does that have to do with this?"

"Well," Miranda began, "In your present state it would be very hard to conceive, and it would be very dangerous to you and any child."

"Oh," Shepard said a little taken aback.

"With the surgery, not only would it restore sensation, but it would make it much safer for you to have a child. If that's something you want, or even considered."

"I think I need some time." Shepard said quietly.

"Of course," Miranda replied, "You can sleep on it and we'll discuss it more tomorrow."

* * *

"Kaidan?" Shepard said to her extranet module in her room.

"I'm here Lilah." Kaidan's face appeared on the screen as he answered her call.

Shepard sighed. Seeing him, even over the extranet, always seemed to sooth her. "It's good to see you."

He smiled, that wonderful smile that made his eyes light up. "It's always good to see you. How are you?"

"I'm okay," she smiled a bit, "How's the physical therapy going?"

"Quit well actually. I'm making progress already. I should get full functionality back. Well, if I with some hard work, but how was your day?"

"Alright, I suppose." Shepard faltered a little, "There's something I need to talk to you about."

"What is it?" he seemed a little concerned.

"Well Miranda did the scans today."

"Already?"

"Yes, she wanted to get started right away. That's just Miranda." Shepard explained.

"Ah, makes sense."

"Anyway, she said that it's highly unlikely, even with surgery that I'd ever walk again." Shepard tried not to sound too disappointed.

"Oh. I'm so sorry Lilah."

"That's not all though."

"Oh?" Kaidan seemed a little apprehensive now.

"Without surgery Miranda believes I won't be able to have children."

"Well…" Kaidan leaned back in his seat, "that's kind of a big thing. Um… anything else?"

"She also said the surgery would also restore sensation and maybe some movement."

Kaidan thought for a little bit. "Is it dangerous?"

"Yes," Miranda had explained the risks to her before Shepard returned to her room. There were risks like permanent nerve damage, infection, further loss of mobility, and countless other possibilities. Not wanting to name those she said simply, "there's always danger."

"Well," Kaidan said nervously, "I've always wanted to have a family with you one day, but not at the cost of you health."

Shepard smiled hearing that he wanted to have a family. That's really all she wanted to hear. "I trust Miranda. She's the best, if she can't do it, then no one in the galaxy could."

"If it's what you want." Kaidan smiled, but couldn't completely hide his worry about the procedure. "I love you."

"I love you." Shepard wanted to give Kaidan the opportunity to be a father, and she herself rather liked the idea of being a mother, now that her fighting days were behind her.

Speaking of parenthood, her father was calling.

* * *

The procedure was scheduled to take place in two days. In the mean time Shepard had little to do to pass the time. Dennis, the former Cerberus operative that had wheeled Shepard in, became a familiar face. He made her leave her room and socialize a bit, even though she protested as he wheeled her to the mess hall.

"There aren't any aliens here." Shepard noticed at he sat down with her lunch.

"Cerberus was a pro-human group. This facility was designed to research and treat humans and human illnesses. Though another wing of the facility has been opened and has begun taking in refugees of all species." He said matter of factly. "See, there's a few asari over there." He pointed to a group of three asari that were joining the line to get food.

"Ah," Shepard said between bites, "What's your story then Dennis? Why are, or were you with Cerberus?"

Dennis leaned back, "Hm, I guess I joined for the same reason a lot of other people did. I wanted to help people, help humanity in someway. I used to be in the Alliance, but I wasn't really cut out for the military."

"You're story sounds pretty similar to a friend of mine's. Maybe you know Jacob Taylor?"

"Jacob? Yeah," Dennis' blue eyes lit up. "He and I go way back. All the way back to Alliance boot camp. Even joined Cerberus together, that's when we met Miranda that was some intense work there. Then I got moved around a bit and we lost contact."

"Sounds like you, Jacob, and Miranda were quite the trio."

"I guess you could say that, but it was a long time ago. It's good to be working with Miranda again." Dennis changed the subject, "Are you worried about the surgery?"

"A bit nervous I guess…" Shepard caught a segment from a vid screen in the corner of her eye.

She turned herself so she could better see the screen on the far wall. A small group was gathered around it. At the moment it was tuned into a galactic news channel, it was actually the only station in operation. They were still reporting on the condition of Earth, and other major home worlds and the efforts that were being made to rebuild. Yet, what caught Shepard's attention was the announcement for memorial service planned for Admiral Anderson.

"The public memorial service is scheduled to take place in two days," the news anchor announced. "The service will not only honor the heroic Admiral, but all of the victims of the Reaper war…" The anchor prattled on.

Shepard was going to miss it, and her disappointment was obvious. Dennis took notice of her reaction to announcement.

"I can record it for you, if you like," he offered.

"I should be there, on earth, helping to rebuild. Instead I'm stuck here. In this stupid chair!" Her disappointment quickly turned to frustration.

"Calm down Commander. You'll get your chance, but right now you need to take care of yourself. You, of all the people in this universe, deserve it."

Shepard sighed, not liking what she heard, but she knew he was right. She had to take care of herself. "Can I go back to my room now?"

"Yeah. I'll go with you."

The two made their way out of the mess hall. In the background, the vid screen was cutting to a new story, The Hero of the Citadel: The Hero of the Galaxy.


End file.
